Once in a while, a film comes along that is so motherfucking EXTREME, so absolutely mind-blowing in its awesomeness, so perfectly and utterly action packed and amazing that is just HAS to be made as a Christian morallity film. This movie is of course, the 2003 blockbuster Hangman's Curse, the only film to combine Goth kids, extremely complicated murder plots, and the undercover agents into one extremely confusing pile of celluloid which was then scooped up, edited to 2 hours, and slapped onto a DVD for my viewing "pleasure." The first place this film was ever collectively viewed by the GPA was at a church where they were having a special group viewing for the youth of that church. As the GPA stepped in to the hushed silence of the crowded church basement and heard the opening music begin to play, we could swear we also heard Jesus crying, for this is what we saw as the credits ended:





You hear that?!? The fucking GOVERNMENT has commissioned these guys, this is the big time! They're working undercover man, you don't know where the hell they'll be! And most impressive, they use Latin, motherfuckers! Latin is fucking hard core! We're gonna drop a dead language on your ass so fast you won't know what hit you!!!! Also, note that the word truth is more extreme than any other word ever.

As soon as that text fades away, we cut to a random sepia-toned nightmare world inside an extremely high-ceilinged school. Some person whom we know nothing about is going to hang himself for a reason we don't know. Already this movie is starting to get very veryconfusing, and let me tell you, it will not improve. The kid puts the noose around his neck, leans forward, and hang himself. Then we cut to a regular-colored scene of a random Goth kid scribbling something into a locker. After being given a few seconds to think to ourselves ".....what?" we're then switched again to a scene with a football game. At this point I was wondering whether we've switched movies or something, but fear not my friends, this movie has a wonderful un-knowable plan for the plot which will become clear at the end of the film, except actually it just gets more and more confusing. Good job Hangman's Curse!

At this high-school football game, we watch some sort of football hero make a touchdown much to the delight of the crowd. As he strolls triumphantly into the end zone we would expect him to do some sort of light-hearted victory dance, but instead he hallucinates some Goth kids exploding. He shakes off these hallucinations like the macho man he is, and when he looks up at the Goth kids next, they are completely normal, except for the fact that they seem to have multiplied exponentially in the space of a few seconds. As the footballer guy returns to the line of scrimmage, he begins to call out the customary numbers, but begins to hallucinate again and starts yelling out things like "Dorothy, Todo, Tu-Pac!" Everyone else looks on in very slight concern (maybe this guy was known for his bad jokes?), but after he begins to stumble around, screaming that "Abel Fry" is coming to get him, and passes out the crowd becomes fully concerned. An old lady looks important on a phone, and we cut to some sort of warehouse.

In this warehouse there is some sort of drug deal going on, but the acting of all the people who are supposed to be drug dealers is so bad you know someone has to be a cop. After lots of useless (although EXTREME) talking and brandishing of shotguns, the cops storm in and it's revealed that almost everyone in that scene was undercover. A whole family undercover even. A mother, father, sister, and brother. Welcome to project VERITAS!!! Undercover father checks his awesome PDA and is informed that his next assignment is at the high school we saw earlier. You see how it's all tieing in?

Page two on your confusing journey!